have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
