i don't like sucking hair
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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