i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
