tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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