the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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