White coat. Heels.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
