whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
