I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
