Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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