So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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