After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Randomize
