How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
