Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
