i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
