Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
