I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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