dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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