This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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