so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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