You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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