Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
