he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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