it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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