You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
