no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Life is so much better after having sex.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
