Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
