my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
