Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
