You just made me feel so damn special
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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