and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize