On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My ATM looks so different sober.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize