so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
