he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
