things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
