history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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