She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
