Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
