if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
