You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You are the jesus of drinking
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
