i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
