and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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