I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
