When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize