What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
