dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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