we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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