I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
