in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
