I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize