so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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