A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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