What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
