My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
