Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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