the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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