He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
