Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
