I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Randomize
