I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
