Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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