I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
