I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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