Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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