Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
