i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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