just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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