I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
