Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
