So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
