You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
