After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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