One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
