he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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