i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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