I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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