so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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