I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
