i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
