just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
