i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize