i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize