Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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