At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
