he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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