Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
