i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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