it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
