Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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