ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
