he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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